one a.m. and it is only you who floats around my room
still is the night
quiet is the dark
and constant are my thoughts of you.
my eyes are tired and body aching for sleep
but i don’t want to close my eyes
for when i do my thoughts will cease
and i never can remember my dreams
even if they are of you.
i just want you to know
no matter how far i may seem
that the better part of my heart
is still in your driveway
during the toughest part of the storm.
and though i may find other company for my lips
it’s you they long to kiss.
i swore to myself i wouldn’t go back
but i want to drive to the lake
and sit at our spot
try to remember all that i can never get back.
every time i’m forced to drive away
the moment seems to go faster than i want
and i can never remember exactly what your face looks like
or how it feels when you hug me tight
but i can reminisce all night
about the way my heart picks up speed
whenever you’re near by
and how all my guards seem to disappear
the very second i look into your eyes
and i try hard not to remember that you are the one i can’t have
because you don’t feel the same.
isn’t it strange how only one heart can change
while the other it still heels over head?
i’d tell you exactly how i feel
but i know it won’t change our dynamic
and you’ll still tell me you don’t know what you want.
so what if i love you?
you’re already gone
and i’ll be moving to a new city, a new state
but i miss you as if were mine to miss
and i there isn’t anything i wouldn’t give
just to hear you say my name one more time.
i keep a notebook in my back pocket
but its contents is lacking
and its empty pages are just a reflection of who i am this week
and i hope you don’t read this for a while
but when i said this place isn’t the same
what i meant is that i’m not
my home is harder to find lately
and you know that by home i mean a poem
because that’s the only time i ever understand
but there is something you should know about the way i see you
and these pages burn me more that i ever thought possible
and as the rain just adds to the drama of my performance
my ink just bleeds
you are a poem as classic as a hemmingway
and as earth rattling as saul when he is on top of his game
you are the type of poem that speaks to the soul
but says something different every time its read
you are the type of poem i recite with my eyes closed
when i feel that the world has gone cold
and the rain starts again only to make me feel it
but the words have found me
so i guess all is getting better
in other words you are a requiem for the living
but one that i cannot sing
i am the creator of the tempest night, a peasant poet
where as you my dear are the poem
but being the poem
makes you my home by default
and i think that’s why i feel so alone
tonight i followed the sunset
i tried to see it clearly
but by the time i got there
it had already disappeared
and i found myself seeking comfort in a room full of strangers
i stood in front of them and confessed my fears
i told them who i am
i showed them my tears
because yes, they actually come
despite what many may believe
and i understand my pattern
when it comes to men
i just don’t know who to stop it
but his silence is driving me crazy
and my pride is keeping me from breaking it
because i can predict what’s going through his mind
i just wish he wasn’t the only thing on mine during the long drive
i wish i knew the remedy for a broken heart
i’d even settle for a temporary fix
knowing full well of it’s outcome
and i’ll title this based on his prediction
just because i can
and i’ll read this with him in the room
just because i can
just to make him feel it
and he can hang his head all he wants
because Lord knows he’s not as bold as i am
and Lord knows i’m not as cold as he his
but Lord knows i’d take him anyway i can
so i’m asking him to disregard the nasty lines
it’s not that i’m bitter
i’m just confused
we used to be so good
and now you go your way and i go mine
as if it never was
two roads diverged- remember?
we’ll be one hundred miles apart
and we’ll be better off alone, i guess
just
the
way
you
want
it
disclaimer: i take no responsibility for any statements that cold be considered
persuasive, guilt-laden, begging, and anything relating to or hinting at matters of love
i blame the combination of the weather and my playlist.
prelude: a string of sunsets and shorelines
cute kisses and tangled hands
discovering that love is a conversation in your driveway
when i am supposed to be home
it’s eating ice cream in a parking lot contemplating God
it’s learning about the red shift and creating our own verse with every kiss
i yelled your name from a top the ferris wheel
and that night i knew i was falling in love with you
but i wasn’t prepared, i wasn’t ready
and frankly i was scared
so now i’ll be completely honest
my fears haven’t gone away
haven’t disappeared or even lessened
the only thing that’s changed is that i’m ready to face them
so i’ll try not to beg
and i’ll try not to make it seem like i have all the answers
because no matter how much i want to make it seem easy and painless
i know that’s something i can’t promise
the only thing i can say is that i’ll try my best
only thing i can say is that i don’t want anybody else
and i never wanted someone this bad
i never felt this deeply
i never needed anyone at all
postscript: i’m sorry for trying to persuade
but this is me at my most vulnerable
this is me with my heart on the table
i still believe we have the static cling
and we can make this summer last forever as long as we continue to swing
isn’t that what you said?
we’ll put off growing up another day, even if only in our minds
isn’t that what you wrote one day back in may?
back in may when we would live a lifetime in a twenty four hour day
tell me do you remember how sweet the world seemed?
maybe one day this will change but as for now
i don’t want anyone but you
and if we are supposed to be
i know we can make it work
despite the time and despite the space
i still believe we have the power to defy the limits with the love we create
i still believe we can do anything with just a little faith
the same allusion keeps gripping me, guiding me
allowing me to believe that i don’t need you
but here i am, half a world away in paradise
and you’re all i want
all i want
and i know i never really said much truth
so this one is for you
i think i can fall in love with you
the Hawaii stars have nothing on your eyes
and the way they would shine when you used to look at me
it’s funny, i see red lights all over
true story.
but you’re always right on time to miss your cue
my lips (and everything attached to them) wish to be next to you
and it’s all that i can do to lay down my pen
and lay down my heart
so you can be with the one who knows how to love you back
and i know i never really said the truth
so this one is for you
i think i can fall in love with you
i think i already have.
the red light is pulling me home
directing me where to go
and i’m hoping to land forty two light years away
so i can spend a day on a new earth
orbiting a smaller star
with just as much light
and maybe a thirty hour day
i’ll climb mountains made of crystal and glass
and jump into an ocean a shade of pink
whose waves grow purple at the tip and crash along a satin shore
the red light is pulling me off the ground
dropping through an orange sky line at sun set
forty two light years from home
but i bet i’ll feel safer there
because money is made of smiles
and art is created every time someone cries
since tears become mosaic stones the moment they land
and the picture they create hold all the answers
displayed in every color but black and white
that way we would never be lead to believe that things are simple
we won’t be able to forget that everything can be seen from more than one angle
the red light is pulling me forward again
and i have the wanting someone blues
because i’m lonely on my bright planet
i think i want my home forty two light years back on earth
my self seclusion was good for a while but i can’t stay this way any longer
and i have this funny feeling that i’ll find my satin shores
and pink oceans within the crystal and glass of your shining eyes
i think i’ll find all that i’ve been looking for right through your door
i just want to believe i didn’t want to see it before
so now i’m grateful for the red light
seeing as the red light is pulling me back to you
it’s giving me permission to preceded
past the boundaries of my mind
and enter into the universe that is your embrace
the universe that is your heart
and with any good luck and just a little time
i’ll find it wasn’t all that hard
i’ll find that i have the map all along
i just didn’t know how to read the key
but all is better now, yes all is better now
because the red light guided me
