Long Division

I’d do anything to please her,
to make her smile
but it’s like my love is constantly on trial.

I am the defendant,
always defending my intentions
intentionally trying to ease contentions
with flirtatious conversations,
not breaking conventions
but always pushing the limits
seeing how far I can take her.

Using my words
and not my body
to get inside of her.

Teasing with temptation
dividing distance with description-
I’ll be the dividend and she’ll be the divisor.
The quotient comes only
when we come together.

I know she hates math
and maybe it’s because
sometimes, no matter how hard she pushes
she just can’t find the answer.

And we’re stuck here
in this long division
sifting through the remainder
to find where we both fit in.

And though there’s no end to this mess we’re in
I will remain with her.
Despite the fact that I can no longer call her mine.

I will be all that she needs
but not from down on my knees.
I will defend my actions
when standing on trial for my sins
and she’ll get mad
when I do exactly what says
because what she says isn’t what she wants.
What she wants is locked up in her head
and it fills her with dread to know
there was so much along the way that she should have said.

And we know we shouldn’t want this
we know we shouldn’t need this
but we’ve forgotten all the reasons.
So we are stuck, with our permit ink
and our inability to go backwards
just adding digits to the remainder
of our long division.

don’t push

some loves are propelled by the commingling of skin cells
they have four legs, arms, hands, eyes, ears
two bodies. together.
most of the time.
stop.
some loves have a slow incline
develop quietly
others rise and fall
over the course of a night
don’t push.
some loves can be predicted
from beginning to end
some loves emulate
attempt to forge the truth just so they don’t have to be alone.
stop.
don’t push-
we are not some loves
we have forever between us, space against us
but we have twenty fingers, two hundred and eighteen keys
and endless dreams
pull.
we have virtual love letters
cute little messages
filled with all our longing
and laced with magnetism
stop.
don’t push-
pull me closer to you
and don’t look back
forget your past
i’m not there
pull.
pull me closer still
i want you nearer
always nearer
i can’t get enough of you
stop.
don’t push-
pull.

satellites

forever is hidden
in the space between her bed
and mine.

and i write to feel close to her
paint her with words on the page
connecting the letters to fill in forever
but my penmanship is too
frail to ever forge
a bridge strong enough
to support our love.

together is threaded
with all the ways to
get her.

i call to hear her voice and her sighs
and to help me conjure up a dream-
threading all our hopes together
with telephone lines
i owe my happiness to satellites
because air waves are enough
to sustain life.

love n foreplay

1.
the distinct lines of what i once knew
and what i thought to be true
are all blurry now

all i see is you

2.
i want you close to me.
that is the only contemplation i can comprehend
the only thought that makes any sense

all our words
i hold them near.

still, we are at the mercy of my phone
airwaves and static are all we have.

i miss the stars
they have all been replaced with satellites
but i’m grateful still
because they bring me close to you

3.
i have built a skyscraper
of anticipation
on a field of desire
and now i am just waiting

4.
and i believe we can transcend
the confounds and limits of living on land
that we can live within the static
high above power lines
floating like clouds in a summer sky
the ones children look up at
and say “mommy, it looks like love”

5.
one is not half of two
it’s a couple blended together
so well that you can’t find the seam

we were meant to break the rules.

like a folded piece of paper
but you can’t feel the crease
and we live within the folds
wedged between reality and fantasy.
we spend our time
smiling like a preteen
on Christmas eve

still believing in magic.

6.
i can hear you breathing through the static
i can read and reread every word you say
but i still can’t feel you beside me
and do you know what much i want to?
do you know how much i want you?

7.
your words
are clouds ready to drop from the sky.

they hint at rains possibilities
tease me with humidity

and after midnight
when the rain finally comes

it gently sings our melody

your words
are the rain drops that won’t stop falling.

they soak in and saturate my skin
and i stay up half the night, trembling

your words won’t let me dry
they just keep raining

down on me