temporary fix

tonight i followed the sunset
i tried to see it clearly
but by the time i got there
it had already disappeared
and i found myself seeking comfort in a room full of strangers
i stood in front of them and confessed my fears
i told them who i am
i showed them my tears
because yes, they actually come
despite what many may believe
and i understand my pattern
when it comes to men
i just don’t know who to stop it
but his silence is driving me crazy
and my pride is keeping me from breaking it
because i can predict what’s going through his mind
i just wish he wasn’t the only thing on mine during the long drive
i wish i knew the remedy for a broken heart

i’d even settle for a temporary fix
knowing full well of it’s outcome
and i’ll title this based on his prediction
just because i can
and i’ll read this with him in the room
just because i can
just to make him feel it
and he can hang his head all he wants
because Lord knows he’s not as bold as i am
and Lord knows i’m not as cold as he his
but Lord knows i’d take him anyway i can
so i’m asking him to disregard the nasty lines

it’s not that i’m bitter
i’m just confused
we used to be so good
and now you go your way and i go mine
as if it never was
two roads diverged- remember?
we’ll be one hundred miles apart
and we’ll be better off alone, i guess
just
the
way
you
want
it

long run

too many songs fit my mood
it’s only bringing me down
cliché motivations only make me angry
and my wrong mind keeps trying to convince my right that i just want to be numb
i mean, it would be nice not to feel
but not in the long run
the air in my room is fresh and slightly cold
but i can’t seem to catch my breath
the only thing i know is this can’t be what it feels like to fall in love
this must be what it feels like on the journey to hell
because i remember everything, everything but i can’t touch it or get it back

all my friends are leaving
i’ll be the last to go
i’ve taken advantage of the lack of mileage between us
and now it’s going to kick my ass
so i try to fill the gaps between us
but sometimes i think i just make it worse
and i haven’t been happy in a while
but i’ll just blame it on the recent lack of estival sun
because i wouldn’t dare blame it on anything real
and i wouldn’t dare blame it on anyone
at least not in writing
and these days i’m just searching for something fun
but i find only time stealing obligations
signaled by the knell of my cellular phone
i do what i have to and not what i want
i’m gaining a greater income than ever before
but i’d still much rather be a profit
and i wish my words could be a philter
so that i could win him over
yet i suppose i’ll just find someone better when i move south
it’ll all work out
in the long run
in the long run
none of this will be of any importance
but i’m not there yet
i’m still here
and for now it still matters
and i’m still living in my fear

the story of my mistake

disclaimer: i take no responsibility for any statements that cold be considered
persuasive, guilt-laden, begging, and anything relating to or hinting at matters of love
i blame the combination of the weather and my playlist.

prelude: a string of sunsets and shorelines
cute kisses and tangled hands
discovering that love is a conversation in your driveway
when i am supposed to be home
it’s eating ice cream in a parking lot contemplating God
it’s learning about the red shift and creating our own verse with every kiss
i yelled your name from a top the ferris wheel
and that night i knew i was falling in love with you

but i wasn’t prepared, i wasn’t ready
and frankly i was scared

so now i’ll be completely honest
my fears haven’t gone away
haven’t disappeared or even lessened
the only thing that’s changed is that i’m ready to face them
so i’ll try not to beg
and i’ll try not to make it seem like i have all the answers
because no matter how much i want to make it seem easy and painless
i know that’s something i can’t promise
the only thing i can say is that i’ll try my best
only thing i can say is that i don’t want anybody else
and i never wanted someone this bad
i never felt this deeply
i never needed anyone at all

postscript: i’m sorry for trying to persuade
but this is me at my most vulnerable
this is me with my heart on the table
i still believe we have the static cling
and we can make this summer last forever as long as we continue to swing
isn’t that what you said?
we’ll put off growing up another day, even if only in our minds
isn’t that what you wrote one day back in may?
back in may when we would live a lifetime in a twenty four hour day
tell me do you remember how sweet the world seemed?
maybe one day this will change but as for now
i don’t want anyone but you
and if we are supposed to be
i know we can make it work
despite the time and despite the space
i still believe we have the power to defy the limits with the love we create
i still believe we can do anything with just a little faith

revolution

i got my 99 cent, 23 ounce green tea
and a towel laid out
i’m sharing some space with good friends
and holding hands with new ones
the weather is just right
for a sunset show
and even though everything went wrong today
i’m feeling okay
i’m making friends
and selling smiles for under a buck
i’m exchanging numbers
and earning some luck
i’m putting my charm to work
enjoying some time with the band guys we just met
and nights like this don’t happen all the time
so i am taking full advantage of it
i’m creating constellations in my mind
imagining the stars beyond ambient light
but who needs streetlights when the moon shines right above us?
let’s light the candles
let’s ignite the flames
i want to set this island ablaze
yeah, i want to light a fire underneath all our feet
to make us all move a little faster
a little more deliberate
we should speak with meaning
hold peace signs over our heads
and start the revolution
i want to get us all on our feet
i’ve had enough of feeling numb and complacent
and of hearing stories about the same
it’s time we all give into what we feel
take a step into the reality of this world
then start this revolution
i want to start this God demanded revolution!
some one give me a match
so i can show everyone the light
it’s time we trust the power of the sun
more than the power of a gun
it’s time we take a chance on some old school romance
learn how to keep our feet on the ground and our head in the clouds
it’s time we get back in touch with our creative sides
there is an entire world outside this town
that i still have to reach
but i’m thinking that with my new friends
and the continual passing on of my new manifesto
that news of my revolution should reach another border relatively soon

and i’m done looking back
i don’t want to strain my neck from trying to figure out where i made a wrong turn
and i don’t want to worry about the wallet that i have yet to get back
i don’t want to dwell on the fact that i received a summons
from a fairly forgiving cop
or that i’m working too many hours for my own good
because for one reason or another karma is on my side
and both the sun and moon are shining their light on my back
they know i’m going to need all the light i can get
and as soon as the lightening finds its way back
i’ll have all the fire i’ll need to set the stage
to ignite the blaze
to get people on board
with the revolution of revolutions
yes when the lightening comes
i’ll have all i need

and when the storm passes
we will all find peace.

part two’s

four hours into the day out on the road
morning was unusually cold
no explanations until dawn
no word of wisdom at all
i just got them home safe
with no mention of the mistake
which woke me from dormancy
and made me give into teenage stupidity
but they got away with it
i’m surprised, i’ll admit
and though i’m happy i had something to give
that was an experience, i’d rather not relive.

and just a few nights before with no place to be
i found myself at the lake
watching ripples the wind created float away
like the remainder of my summer days
but the night grew cold
and my thoughts turned sour
so i decided to go home
and get lost in movies for a few hours
it helps me make sense of my own life
and listening to m.k. always makes the words flow
so this is my shameless plug for ghosts
because i love the way he sings through his teeth with eyes closed
yeah, friday night i thought that things might be looking up
but how wrong i was
this week turned out to be totally fucked

only almost

tonight i played peak-a-boo with the moon
but it didn’t make me giggle
in fact, it made me want to cry
because it teased me with its light
almost made me believe that clarity is real
but only almost
i guess this is what happens
when i sit in the backseat
and listen to goodbye
still, there’s nothing like crossing the brooklyn bridge in the moonlight
and there’s nothing like new york city at night
i almost hate to admit that i think it should be the eighth wonder of the world
but only almost
being in such a big city
makes me feel so insignificant
yet i guess lately i just feel insignificant
and i think norah was right,
its such a beautiful disease
but i know i’m infected
because it doesn’t allow me to take a break
which i assume is why
no matter how calm this night is
i won’t find sleep too easy
and if i don’t look at all
i know sleep will never knock at my door
but i still want to dream
and act like they can be achieved for free
i’d like to think that nights like these come along often
but that doesn’t make it true.
i won’t always have jack to bring the western sky
and keep away the eastern rain
i won’t always have what’s lost, returned to me
but i guess sometimes life decides to exalt me
karma finds time to make it up to me in some little way
and at this point, i’ll take whatever i can get
but all i really need is some time to sleep
a few extra hours to rejuvenate my mind
and all i really wish is that my friend in turmoil finds some form of peace
before the world turns cold
and she feels like she’s toughing it out all on her own
still, i know that even though my words may bring comfort
that it is only she who can make it through the rain
but the storms keep pulling through this town
the thunder keeps threatening the possibility of a quiet night
my memories are the real reasons for not getting sleep
but for the first time i’m not running from either
i just stand in the middle of the street and let it pour all over me
yes i let the life i’ve lead collide with the life i live
and i let them battle it out inside of me
i let some friends leave me behind, just as i’ve done to others
i let the rain fall all over me
let my clothes cling to my body
and i walk home heavy and tired
but happy to see my bed
then, and only then do i stumble upon sleep
and it’s almost enough
yes, it’s almost enough to make me feel awake
but only almost
only almost.