Sore Throat And Still No Coat

i’m running out of water

my body’s going dry

and it’s becoming hard to breathe

hard to breathe?!

yes, it feels like i’m drowning

well isn’t that ironic?

i can’t run anymore

my legs don’t work

and I don’t know how to get away

get away?

yeah, get away from my past

cause it keeps haunting me, haunting me

the ghost of my past

has shown me the wrongs of my ways

and I try to fix them in the present

before my future gets away from me 

and i lose sight of tomorrow’s today.

i’m not searching for my purpose

instead, i am creating it, i

am changing and unnaming it,

i am coming together now

putting all my misplaced pieces

back into their rightful order

well now, my pillow forgives me

and my lips forgive me

and you and i forgive me

so i don’t understand why

i’m still not happy

but i know that all my faux flirting

with boys i don’t like will never amount to anything

and i know it doesn’t matter how much i put my hair up

all my hair ties will never keep me together

and I know i can kiss him, but it won’t make either of us feel better

so…

Poetry, don’t fail me now

i need you more than ever

and please don’t let words escape me

because getting away won’t change a thing

i’ll still just be left here, aching for a feeling

and feeling nothing but sick

but it serves me right for not wearing a jacket

in january.

All i Have

So apparently I don’t need you like I thought

and  I guess we aren’t everything I wanted us to be

but please, you must see what I  see

we were two planets, brought together by a

gravitational force stronger than that of the earth and moon

for a while we were orbiting each other, dancing among the stars

but now I’m spinning out of control and off course

cause your gravitational pull isn’t strong enough to keep me close

and there are entire universes I have yet to explore

So here we are, two separate planets

With two extremely different terrains

Trying to pretend like we belong together

As if we should stay in orbit until the end of time

Getting closer and closer, so close we almost touch borders

Then becoming almost out of sight again

Well I’ve been playing this game for some time now

And I have to admit I’m tired, love is so close I can almost touch it,

but it feels like something we’ll never be able to reach

and I think it’s been that idea of love that’s kept me

orbiting your world, looking for a way to become one

but the idea has become nothing more than a wish that won’t come

and I can’t stay here circling you

I can’t pretend that we’re getting somewhere

I can’t act like I’m content in this mess

Because I need passion in my life

I need poetry and love and music

And most of all I need someone I can share it with

I thought it was going to be you

But we both know that it just can’t work

so release me to explore the milky way

because apparently I don’t need you like I thought

and I guess we aren’t everything I wanted us to be

but please, see this the way I do

but you see on the way to your house, it was hard for me to breathe

me heart was in my throat and my insides were in knots

my tear ducts were prepared, but my voice was shaky

i wished for red lights and drove under the speed limit

hoping to be late and aching for more minutes

in order to get the courage to ring the door bell

we joked at first but i couldn’t look into your eyes

knowing all to well that on this night

i wasn’t going to be able to stay for dinner

cause food, like truth would be too much to bear

and too heavy to keep down

i didn’t want to be eating, unless it was my words

you asked if everything was okay

i said yes right away but took it back

“as a matter of fact, i have something hard to say…”

my voice gave out again, words didn’t make sense

in my head the letters and sounds couldn’t form order

i thought i was so strong until i was lying there in your arms

“i don’t think i can do this anymore”

and i looked up to you, like so many times before

but this time you eyes were welling up and heartbreak was on your face

that’s when my own heart sunk down to my thigh

and so it goes, the ever told story of goodbye

the details may change but the heartache stays the same

and the thing about breaking up

is picking up the pieces

or rather, hiding them.

all the pictures, playlists, stuffed animals

speed dials, text messages, and facebook relationship status

the worst of course is running from all the memories.

because i’ll miss your lips the most and your cheek

and your eyelashes, and your laugh

and your smile, and your voice and your smell

but i’ll never forget how you came into my life

and turned everything around

you made my year and helped me grow

but i’ll never again be able to watch episode 80

of my favorite show because i’ll forever remember

sitting on the edge of your bed, unable to look at you

because in the back of my head

i can’t help but wonder,

if i made an awful mistake

But the movies have started!

The movies have started!

Yes, the memory movies have started in my mind

like silent films quiet, old, and warn

but I still can hear your voice, your laugh.

And all my misguided motives seemed so strong

when they were still in my head

but speaking them made me seem weak and scared and

I’m starting to wonder if all my reasons for wrecking

and sinking the island that was your bed were wrong

terribly, regrettable wrong.

We’ve had 233 days together and we’ll have a lifetime apart

See , in my mind when you said it was okay to leave,

you were really asking me to stay and lay there a little longer

and every time you laughed it was about something stupid 

I said or did, way back in the summer

every time we kissed I felt my heart shatter

and explode out my eyes.

The longer I stayed the more my heart would break

and  I started to think that it didn’t matter if you liked my words

or my music, or clothes, or suspenders, or television shows, or…

because you loved me. You loved me.

I could have died in your arms,

lied a little and said I loved you again

but I walked away instead.

And now I see you everywhere.

Your in the arch of my shoe,

and the crease of my sheet

and the part of my hair

and the way I make my bed

and my purple slippers

and the pearl pen

your in my car and on the sidewalk

your ghost is on my shoulder

haunting me, protecting me, saving me.

And my eyes are like rainy days

but you’re my thunder, remember?

The string around my finger has fallen off

and now I’ve forgotten what I like about my self

my well is running out of ink

I can no longer smell the white roses

My world has lost its color

because I let you go

I mean who cares if we’re separate planets

The stars are show offs and

they don’t shine as bright as I thought

the milky way is empty and I’m floating to no where.

If I asked, could we forget about the 19^th

pretend like it never happened?

let’s go back to June, back to September, back to December

let’s go back to Christmas eve and new years eve and

let’s forget about today

because I do need you.

and I want you back.

Because the truth is I was only lying to myself

and I was scared. But I know now that I need you in my life

I can’t stand the way my world looks without you in it.

I miss you even though I can still keep count of the hours

since I’ve seen you last. And everything seems cold now

I sleep in an ice bed. When I laugh it’s only pretend.

My poetry has lost most of it’s rhyme

and all these pages mean nothing at all unless I can hold you again

SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!

To the will of my love

and I swear I’ll never forget to say good night

and I’ll let you make fun of my height

and I won’t make you listen to my music in the car

and I’ll always kiss you like I mean it

and hold you just right

I know it’s all my fault but I still can’t fathom

that we’re really over.

Nothing makes sense without you.

And I hate that this is how I had to figure out how much I care

and I can only wish that you’ll forgive me, that you’ll take me back

because I want to orbit you like the moon does the earth

and I want your room to be our world

and your bed to be our own private island

you are everything that I’ll never need

I just can’t believe I have never seen it before now.

But all I have are my words and my tears

so I can cry you an ocean

or write you the longest poem known to the history of man

I can do anything you ask of me

if you would give me one more chance.

but all I have are theses five pages

and one very wet pillow

all I have is nothing

all I want or need is you.

I don’t know how more sorry I could be

And there’s only one thing left to say:

Baby, I love you

So please, please, please,

Still.

Love.

Me.

Back

And now I see you everywhere.

Your in the arch of my shoe,

and the crease of my sheet

and the part of my hair

and the way I make my bed

and my purple slippers

and the pearl pen

your in my car and on the sidewalk

your ghost is on my shoulder

haunting me, protecting me, saving me.

And my eyes are like rainy days

but you’re my thunder, remember?

 

The string around my finger and fallen off

and now I’ve forgotten what I like about my self

my well is running out of ink

I can no longer smell the white roses

My world has lost its color

because I let you go

I mean who cares if we’re separate planets

The stars are show offs and

they don’t shine as bright as I thought

the milky way is empty and I’m floating to no where.

If I asked, could we forget about the 19^th

pretend like it never happened?

let’s go back to June, back to September, back to December

let’s go back to Christmas eve and new years eve and

let’s forget about today

because I do need you.

and I want you back.

In My Mind

The movies have started!

The movies have started!

Yes, the memory movies have started in my mind

like silent films quiet, old, and warn

but I still can hear your voice, your laugh.

And all my (misguided?) motives seemed so strong

when they were still in my head

but speaking them made me seem weak and scared and

I’m starting to wonder if all my reasons for wrecking

and sinking the island that was your bed were wrong

terribly, regrettable wrong.

We’ve had 233 days together and a lifetime apart

 

See , in my mind when you said it was okay to leave,

you were really asking me to stay and lay there a little longer

and every time you laughed it was about something stupid 

I said or did, way back in the summer

every time we kissed I felt my heart shatter

and explode out my eyes.

The longer I stayed the more my heart would break

and  I started to think that it didn’t matter if you liked my words

or my music, or clothes, or suspenders, or television shows, or…

because you loved me. You loved me.

I could have died in your arms,

lied and said I loved you again

but I walked away instead.

Ever Told Story Of Goodbye

see on the way to his house, it was hard for her to breathe

her heart was in her throat and her insides were in knots

her tear ducts were prepared, but her voice was shaky

 

she wished for red lights and drove under the speed limit

hoping to be late and aching for more minutes

in order to get the courage to ring the door bell

 

they joked at first but she couldn’t look into his eyes

knowing all to well that on this night

she wasn’t going to be able to stay for dinner

 

cause food, like truth would be too much to bare

and too heavy to keep down

she didn’t want to be eating, unless it was her words

 

he asked if everything was okay

she said yes right away but took it back

“as a matter of fact, i have something hard to say…”

 

her voice gave out again, words didn’t make sense

in her head the letters and sounds couldn’t form order

she thought she was so strong until she was lying there in his arms

 

“i don’t think i can do this anymore”

and she looked up to him, like so many times before

but this time his eyes were welling up and heartbreak was on his face

 

that’s when her own heart sunk down to her thigh

and so it goes, the ever told story of goodbye

the details may change but the heartache stays the same

 

and the thing about breaking up

is picking up the pieces

or rather, hiding them.

 

all the pictures, playlists, stuffed animals

speed dials, and facebook relationship status

the worst of course is running from all the memories.

 

because i’ll miss his lips the most and his cheek

and his eyelashes, and his laugh

and his smile, and his voice and his smell

 

i’ll never forget how he came into my life

and turned everything around

he made my year and helped me grow

 

but i’ll never again be able to watch episode 80

of my favorite show because i’ll forever remember

sitting on the edge of his bed, unable to look at him

 

because in the back of my head

i can’t help but wonder,

did i make an awful mistake?

Out Of Orbit

So apparently I don’t need you like I thought

and  I guess we aren’t everything I wanted us to be

but please, you must see what I  see

 

we were two planets, brought together by a

gravitational force stronger than that of the earth and moon

for a while we were orbiting each other, dancing among the stars

 

but now I’m spinning out of control and off course

cause your gravitational pull isn’t strong enough to keep me close

and there are entire universes I have yet to explore

 

So here we are, two separate planets

With two extremely different terrains

Trying to pretend like we belong together

 

As if we should stay in orbit until the end of time

Getting closer and closer, so close we almost touch borders

Then becoming almost out of sight again

 

We’ll I’ve been playing this game for some time now

And I have to admit I’m tired, love is so close I can almost touch it,

but it feels like something we’ll never be able to reach

 

and I think it’s been that idea of love that’s kept me

orbiting your world, looking for a way to become one

but the idea has become nothing more than a wish that won’t come true

 

and I can’t stay here circling you

I can’t pretend that we’re getting somewhere

I can’t act like I’m content in this mess

 

Because I need passion in my life

I need poetry and love and music

And most of all I need someone I can share it with

 

I thought it was going to be you

But we both know that it just can’t work

so release me to explore the milky way

 

because apparently I don’t need you like I thought

and I guess we aren’t everything I wanted us to be

but please, see this the way I do